CHAO AHBENGZ

Young and Old

2007-08-13T02:46:00.000-07:00

You know, I feel really different nowadays. It's seems like my life is really breathless. This is one time in my life when I don't feel like I even have time to breathe. Everything seems to be going through a blur and I am so not used to this lurr. Maybe I made the wrong choice, to try get into council 'just for fun', that I 'wouldn't get in anyway'. And maybe I didn't. Maybe I was supposed to grow up through the hecticness, with projects that are meaningful, that are dumb, that don't make sense, that are nice but too tedious to carry out and other things. It's probably my first time actually doing things for the school; I never really did anything for RV D:

Project Work, Teacher's Day, Birthday Corner, Topical Feedback on IHC/National Day.

I hope there isn't anything else. Oh yes.

PROMOS.

This should be the top of my list, but sadly, I don't have time to do my tutorials. Okay, not having time isn't the right word to say... I should be better at managing my times; like spending my breaks doing homework instead of talking, reading on the bus instead of sleeping (which I can proudly say I did today: I read PRIDE AND PREJUDICE), and so on. Heh, but sigh, it isn't. I feel like just anyhow doing everything else 'cause obviously promos are the most important, but funny, I'm plagued by something called responsibility, which I never thought I had before. D:

Responsibility really sucks. Sometimes. In retrospect, whatever. Haha.

Today I saw a primary schoolmate on bus 52. Didn't say hello to him 'cause he probably won't remember me... When I added him on friendster he didn't remember me as well, so what are the chances? Anyway, the thing is: he has grown so much. He is in a polytechnic now, and he's so tall and he looks so mature... People who go to poly, they all look very mature now, like they have experienced so much more.

And I'm here in my uniform, short and fat, with my eyes gleaming with inexperience, and exclaiming about how new everything is to me, still trying to be selfish and doing things only for myself. I realised, no matter how much of a slacker I really want to be, responsibility pulls me out of it and it's quite sad. I can't be selfish now, or at least, too selfish.

I'm summarizing PW now, typing out the morning announcement for the Birthday Corner, reading my mail and the script for Teacher's Day (which is hilarious, thanks to Prav and Chinks!)... The problem is I think I'm swamped, but looking at everybody else, those who are really supposed to be busy, they look totally okay. I guess it's because being in RV cultivated this need for sleep, this need for relaxation, where stress is often felt, but not to this extent. I never had deadlines rushing to me ALL AT ONCE (I finished my homework most of the time... I think.)

I wish I'd grow up and be mature about this, grow up and accept everything without whining, grow up and find motivation to do all this. But for now, I'm just doing things without feeling anything, without wanting to do them. And still I do it. I complete my tasks. Like a robot.

Like a child.

Tired

2007-08-02T07:07:00.000-07:00

I don't know why everything is clashing together in the one poor lousy week.

Thanks Actually, PW Written Report to do, National Day stuffs, Teacher's Day planning, Chem SPA...

Thank god Chem SPA went okay.

-sigh- I'm so tired and I feel so drained. You know, I'm really dreading the National Day rehearsal tomorrow. It's until 7, and I have to take the MRT back home. I'll probably try to take it back home myself because I want to sleep heheh. I think I'll screw up the music 'cause I don't really know what to do. The timeline I received didn't have the nice highlight "Music Coordinator" thing there.

I don't know why I'm doing this AGAIN; it's like what I did for Drama Feste which was such a nightmarish and horrible experience. I'm afraid it'd happen again. I'll try my best though, but yeah, I'm just sick of being bombarded. Haha, somehow I was volunteered for Thanks Actually and National Day; so it is clashing tomorrow. I asked to leave early from TA and to go late for NatDay so I would do something for both at least. Or else I'll feel bad.

Eh I want to be as interesting as Xiaxue or something, so I must endeavour to blog more often, and to blog more interesting things and funny stuff. The problem is I don't know what to write and my thoughts are mostly rambling, so there isn't logical flow.

PW is crazy I'm not sure if we can finish it by next monday.

National Day is still scaring me. I'm so happy it'd be over on tuesday. D: Would be better if it was on Monday though. Hahah, then I don't need to go for another rehearsal on Monday. The problem with my job is I have to be really familiar with the programme (which I'm not) and I have to press the buttons at the right time. Sometimes, the computer might lag, so I'll learn to click a little earlier; then it won't lag and the song will come too early. D: every time, different circumstances may happen and stuff so I don't know what I am going to do.

Well, I just have to do my best la. Everyone might hate me if I ruin National Day due to my bad music playing, or me falling asleep at the computer during the concert -snickers- haha, yeah, I'll just have to live with being an outcast for the rest of my life.

I got THREE demerit points for Council so I have to talk to the council teacher in charge. I sincerely, honestly, forgot there was a meeting on wednesday morning, so I didn't go. I was in school since 615 la! I really could have just gone; I nothing better to do anyway, but yeah I really really forgot. D: At most I'll just cry to the teacher lor haha and talk emo shit.

Sometimes I feel a little too emOx for my own good so I'll just forget about it. I feel terrible about all these things that are happening, nervous about both natday and teachers' day, but trying not to think about it and just go for the rehearsal and laugh about it.

I bought the paint and banner for Commzd Birthday Corner already. I cannot go on Sat 'cause I got major PW things, but maybe on Sunday? D: I hate painting so I don't know how I'm going to help haha. Probably encourage them. I look freaking unglam and saikangwarrior when I was carrying the bags !!!

Anyway love everyone, bye. I wish I can be more interesting; give me topics on what to write about? <33

P.S. I miss hugging all my juniors D:

2007-07-21T20:51:00.000-07:00

Presenting...

This is our first movie poster which I hastily did. (:

Anyway, class camp was quite fun, but I didn't really enjoy it 'cause of the stupid antat guy and how dirty and uncomfortable it was. Other than that, it was lovely. I don't know how to elaborate 'cause there are so many things. And I don't have any of the photos! Except for one lovely one that I stole from Cheryl Cheah's blog! It was beautiful and I think she photoshopped it. I want the original though. Oh well, off to photoshop it as well! I'm gonna try to make it look more artistic than it already is! And that's such a tough feat! (:

Blogged too much

2007-07-18T04:19:00.000-07:00

I wanted to blog again but sigh too lazy to upload pictures so yeah, my blog is so boring, I decided not to update first. (: hahaha! this is so not counted.

Which Final Fantasy Character Are You?

Final Fantasy VII

anyway I love Janice she is so nice!!!

MRT LADYDOG

2007-07-17T05:24:00.000-07:00

This pissed me off for the rest of the day.

Not that I had much of a day left though but yeah.

I met this b*tch in the MRT! She was such an idiot. I was talking to my friends happily in the crowded MRT. It was so squeezy lah! So I, like, knocked into this woman, just a little, by accident. So I turned to her and said, "Sorry," and gave an earnest smile before continuing to talk to my friends. I mean, I couldn't have helped knocking into her that little tiny small bit, because the whole MRT stopped and jerked and that woman was like so near me, 'cause we're holding the same pole.

Then I felt eyes burning at the back of my head so I kept turning to look at her, who kept giving me bitchy looks of death. I just ignored her and continued to talk. Suddenly, her loud coarse voice rang out, "YOUR BAG." Then I turned to her and gave her a puzzled look and said, "Sorry? My bag?" Then I continued to talk to my friends, citing stuff about how my new bag was still stiff 'cause it's meant to be like that, I mean what do you want me to do? Then she again, her voice of death shot from her like a spitball of hair, "YOUR BAG KEEP HITTING ME." I just turned to her and said, "Sorry about it. What do you want me to do? I don't know what I can do." Then she shot me a look of death, one only an old virgin can show me. I mouthed the words "What a bitch" to my friends, Geetha, Rachel Lai, Mel Ng and Mel Chong. Then I said it out loud. They, maybe fearing that she might infect me with that old virgin virus thing, pulled me away to somewhere else, since many people left the MRT.

We bitched about her, 'cause she kept shooting me looks of death. I wonder why? It's really really not my fault la. If she wanted privacy, she should've taken a cab or something. The MRT was crowded and jerky, you really really can't blame anyone. Furthermore, she had some more space to move inside, but she didn't. She insisted on standing there getting knocked ONCE by my bag. Wow. What a great way to be insulting and rude. I felt so stupid about being so civil to her at the beginning 'cause I was really like sincerely sorry; I didn't mean to hit her. Then she became so rude to me.

I only show respect to people who treat me with respect. It's just basic courtesy. I don't understand why people must be bitches; being ugly is not an excuse. Being an old virgin doesn't give you any excuse either. I know 'cause I'm both of them (lol!) and I still managed to be civil to even her. What was exasperating was how she refused to budge, and how rude she was. She was some old bitch la. I know it's childish calling her names like that, but seriously, she was a child within an adult's body. If the world were free of people like her, the world would be so nice now. I have a picture of her; but I'm not going to post it up 'cause she might sue me but yeah I doubt so since she is the one at fault. Tell me and I can show you the picture! (:

In the end, she left the train at Choa Chu Kang which was like where my friends left me, except for Geetha!

Anyway, H3 bio lecture, the first one by the guest speaker was really boring, but it wasn't his fault 'cause I guess the school didn't tell him we already learnt whatever he was talking to us at the beginning. Yeah, the later part was quite cool.

Tomorrow got CHEM SPA. I roughly memorised liao la but not fully memorised. Hahaha, anyway I <3 my class so much. Really lots. Even those people who are in but hate our class. Okay, I don't really lovelove them, but I think they're nice enough for me. At least nicer than the old bitch. D: she really spoiled my mood.

Okay, <3, I grew fatter today I think but yeah whatever. And my thighs are damn sore from training during PE! D: so hard to climb stairs.

Okay my blog is damn boring. I want to be as interesting as erm, XIAXUE, so one day once I get photoshop I will put up photos!!! (: okay bye darlings~

PIG

2007-07-16T03:53:00.000-07:00

I am such a fat pig.

What I ate yesterday:
Lor Mee
KFC Chicken x2
Whipped Potato, or whatever that is, from KFC x2
7-up
Spaghetti - quarter plate
Rice Cake Peanut Butter Cup
Pepsi Twist
Slice of Banana Cake
Maple syrup Cookies x2
Fish Porridge
Fried Shrimp Bits
Tao Suan

OMG. SO MUCH!!! I'm like some fat pig. Let's see what I ate today!

Cheese Egg Onion Sandwiches x2
Soyabean one cup
Thosai x2 with curry and the sour thing
Half bowl of Rice with Chicken and Hotdog, both fried!!
Teh-peng
Micheal Jackson
Two breads: Smart Alec + Mayonaisse Ham Cheese Fattening bread!
A bowl of rice, plus Egg + Veggie soup and PORK LIVER FRIED WITH GINGER!

SO MUCH! And Micheal Jackson is a drink la! I didn't eat him!! It's like soyabean milk + chinchow. And I heard Soyabean is like, spermicide. D: anywayy, meera feels pregnant and so do I! I'm like 15 month's pregnant liaozz la. My fats like have a life of their own. Today Sihao punched my tummy and he said "OMG YOU'RE SO FAT!!!!" D: But whatever!!!! I WILL TURN LIKE HOT AND SKINNY SOON!

School was boring; but I like the chem teacher more 'cause I finally like understand! Tomorrow have Bio Test but I too lazy to study. D: Wed has Chem SPA so I must study definitely but I don't know when I got time lurr. Wed also got some Match Support to watch Trekkers, and sigh, but luckily for me it's like at Choa Chu Kang, so not that bad!! :D Thursday and Friday is like CAMP o.o!! I'm so scared la I don't know what to bring!!! I haven't packed and I'm reaching home at like 8 on Tuesday and Wednesday la.

After school while walking to the MRT, and after a short snack (what a PIG), we, the Mean Girls AU, had an ADVENTURE! Rachel/Regina started squealing and pointing at my file, and I found this green leaf-like bug on it. I calmly swiped it onto the pole thing, and it fell onto the ground. For the next ten or so minutes, we stood beside the bug, scampering so it wouldn't come near, and scruntinizing it, seeing if it was killed. Geetha/Gretchen (omg I just realised my friends have the same first letter as their MEAN GIRLS counterparts except for me D: ) was like omg it's going to be killed. The poor little bug was almost stepped on like a million times, until there was a stampede of humans booming into the MRT and we decided that it must have died. To stop ourselves from feeling worried/sad, we walked away to another carriage.

They refused to touch my file 'cause the bug touched it D: BUT WHATEVER IT'S BIO!!! It's a GOOD OMEN! :D And anyway, today, John Cheo told me to do some design for the To Raffles, With Love board that will come with College Day. The only problem is I don't know what he exactly wants. SMSed him waiting for a reply. (: but anyway, I just read Xiaxue's blog and I think she's hilarious! I really really like her. She's like, my idol or something.

Anyway, done blogging I don't know what to write anymore BYEBYE.

Goals

2007-07-13T22:36:00.000-07:00

I am going to do well for promos, but my plan to be consistent and balanced in life has failed. I didn't go to the gym the whole week, I gained weight, my results are less than spectacular, I am not studying this week, I've been trying to do proposals without success due to less than enthusiastic teammates, and yes, I'm ill. Seeing how Victoria has written some goals on her blog, I decided I should put some goals on my blog as well; it might shame me into doing stuff.

Goals:

1. Lose about 3 kg within the end of the year
2. Exercise regularly D: (not specific enough but whatever.)

1. Study really hard, at least once a week hardcore chionging UNLESS I HAVE PW.
2. Put my studies at the top, apart from PW stuffs.
3. Study for all tests; unless there are shits around

1. Do my best for council, but remember to keep the balance. I promised myself it won't become my life, so I will always put myself, my beliefs, my wants first. D:

1. start thinking more
2. decide my direction
3. don't dwell in the past

1. read Harry Potter
2. buy Time Traveller's Wife and another good book, please reccomend!!
3. buy pretty pens to write in the BURN BOOK
4. and yeah

and I'm so pissed off. This is an edit. I cannot see whatever new things I post, whatever new templates I choose, whatever new whatever. RAWR. I have to keep deleting my own cookies to see! SHIT la, anyone knows how to heal this problem please tell me. D:

Okay, edit again, I think I fixed it. Hopefully.

o.o

2007-07-08T05:08:00.000-07:00

I was emo since yesterday night and since I don't like being emo, I guess it's alright spitting everything out here. Sigh, it's just basically me realising that I will never belong to a world that I used to belong in. I have changed, a little, but that's more than enough to do it to me. Hearing stories about people suaning teachers, bitching about teachers, I don't know, it doesn't work on me any longer. I instead empathize with them, the teachers, and this makes me sound like a wet blanket and whatever. <3 anyway, there's so many other things; and my mom says I'm thinking wayyyy too much.

NDP was really boring; I just wasn't very interested. Camwhoring with people were, erm, okay, but not as exciting as I wished it could be. I felt the heat on my skin; realised almost no one knew what Umbrella was. OMFG it's the best song on earth so please listen to it. We didn't get a goodie bag. -sigh- And it just felt totally wrong there. I had nothing much to say, to talk about. I was just plain bored. Felt like a fish out of water. The parade wasn't very fantastic, rather boring even. The fireworks were really pretty but that's basically it.

I felt really bad and weird after everything. Bad, not as in guilty, but just bad. My body was like, sigh. I just didn't feel like doing anything. I felt out of the loop, out of everything. I didn't really care about anything there la. It just felt really contrived and fake; I don't know la. I just felt really out there. So yes, I just continued on with dinner then went home with the Eunice, Adeline, Baorui, Yifan and Huaypeng. Thennn, I felt a little better, but I don't know why, but yeah whatever.

Then yeah, went home with Baorui and Yifan, to our home in Toh Guan Road. And while I talked about RJ, I felt better haha. COME TO RJ friends, you won't regret it. (: and anyway, I miss the feelings, the emotions that I went through, in RVChorale. And yes, I will never experience it again. I will never be part of it again and I -have- to get myself to understand that. I have to let go. I cannot keep clinging onto the threads of the past. <3 That sounds really emo but whatever.

(: anyway, Umbrella is the best song on Earth. Buaizzzz.

I am so pretty

2007-06-27T08:30:00.000-07:00

Please look at my friendster too. 100% of the people I look like are pretty girls. I sent in one of my ugliest ones though, and I have like Tom welling at 52%! YAY (:

But here, the most hilarious things.

I conclude that I'm damn pretty.

I want to record these down

2007-06-27T06:27:00.000-07:00

I want to put these down in words. All these memories, everything. I don't know, I never experienced this before. It isn't a sadness, it's heart-wrenching. Your heart twists and changes. And there are so many things I never really appreciated about him and then now it's too late. I remember teasing him a lot. I remember going out 'wakeboarding' with him. I remember him meeting me and seet every morning before leaving to his CCA mates table. I remember giving him a hug; I don't remember why but I'm glad I did it.

I remember him eating apples, a habit that I began following as well. I remember Yufang braiding his hair. I remember telling him he had a 'tongku' face. I remember teasing him about girls. I remember him being so curious that he even smsed me about it. I remember telling him to change his photos in MSN. I remember calling him Maryjane in MSN to mislead others. I remember his pink font. I remember his pink bottle. I remember giving him a card with Seet and Shulin, telling him goodbye, 'cause I had the misconception that fourteen points were really really really too much when it wasn't. How ironic.

Our OG isn't the best in the world, but somehow, you were one of those who I became closer to, even though I think you did hate me at the beginning. Everything still turned out well in the end, didn't it? (: I'm glad I got to know you. Even if I was terrified of you at the beginning.

I remember getting mashed by chocolate and cream with him. I remember thinking that we were the only two who wore shorts in the OG as well. I remember being afraid to talk to him. I remember so many other things and yet I am sure something is missing. I know I don't remember. I don't. I really don't.

But I want to.

You will be sorely missed. Goodbye.

24.06.2007

Sigh

2007-06-12T02:25:00.000-07:00

I am wasting my life away. Let's see what I have done so far during the holidays:

1. CCAL Camp : Oh how fun. I feel like a darn slacker I bet my group hates me like shit and yeah, I was just a big fat slacker. Yan Neng sucks la D: How come like that!? I cannot type out all the events, I must TELL you then everyone will understand how Slacker I really am.

3 days

2. Math Remedial: I just died 'cause I don't know how to do anything so I am just dead. The whole day was spent on that and slacking about in JEC reading books in Popular illegally, and going to borrow comics from JE Library on the pretence of PW research. Last day do shit.

2 days

3. I just slacked through the second week 'cause I felt like I needed a rest. And I really slacked like a shit. I never once touched my notes save for the day I went for Bio. I went to slack the whole day after that, having random Teacher's Day meetings and CommzD meetings, basically going to JEC to read books illegally in Popular and borrowing comics from JE library on the pretence of doing PW research. Oh my life sounds so dry

one week

And here I am with tons of homework and a headache 'cause I don't want to do ANYTHING. I'm going to die.

Wish me luck.

quizzes

2007-05-07T06:02:00.000-07:00

I'm just freaking lame. I should be doing my work but I'm thinking about all the things I have to do this week because of council and my head just dies.

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are aloof, mysterious, and distant.
People feel like they really don't know the true you...
Yet they're still drawn to you, almost by magnetic force.

Underneath it all, you don't even really feel like you know yourself.
It's easier to put on a front than really think about your life's purpose.
You tend to seem pretentious, but it's just a mechanism you use to push people away.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

Your Love Element Is Earth

In love, you have consistency and integrity.
For you, love is all about staying grounded and centered.

You attract others with your zest for life and experiences.
Your flirting style is defined by setting the scene, creating a unique moment in time.

Steady progress and stability are the cornerstones of your love life.
You may take things too slowly, but you never put your heart at risk.

You connect best with: Fire

Avoid: Wood

You and another Earth element: need each other too much to build a good foundation

What Element Is Your Love?

raffles players

2007-05-02T06:30:00.000-07:00

it's totally irritating.

First I call B about quitting, she tells me to think about it. (: I do.

Then yesterday, S calls me about FOH duties which I never knew and yes, I do check my mails please don't say it's my fault. It's dumb Yahoo's fault, I don't receive attachments and some of the mails go into junk. But okay fine, I accept it. Then later, we discussed about how I'm going to go back to school for my duties after match support, then he suddenly says, "Oh I checked with B you're not in RP any longer you don't have to come down."

I'm like, oh fine, though I was feeling rather crappy 'cause like they sort of just 'kicked' me out? But fine. Whatever. I didn't need to go any longer. Then I had quite a crappy day today. Then guess what made it all worse? C called me: "Why aren't you in school right now?"

"Why?"

"You have ushering duties."

"No I'm not in RP any longer S said I didn't need to go down."

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier? You're really irresponsible etc."

Being the stupidly dumb person I am, to stop the abuse, I just said, "Sorry it's my fault I should've told you."

"Okay you have to come down tomorrow."

And yeah. I am made to come down to school tomorrow for nothing 'cause I'm not even in that stupid cca. I am going to call C and try to explain. It's not only that. I have personal matters tomorrow which was only arranged after S told me I didn't need to go any longer. And it's too late to be moved.

Yes. Wish me luck.

---

C says she'd call me back but I want to sleep. I'll wait for another 20 minutes. anyway:

You are The Tower

Ambition, fighting, war, courage. Destruction, danger, fall, ruin.

The Tower represents war, destruction, but also spiritual renewal. Plans are disrupted. Your views and ideas will change as a result.

The Tower is a card about war, a war between the structures of lies and the lightning flash of truth. The Tower stands for "false concepts and institutions that we take for real." You have been shaken up; blinded by a shocking revelation. It sometimes takes that to see a truth that one refuses to see. Or to bring down beliefs that are so well constructed. What's most important to remember is that the tearing down of this structure, however painful, makes room for something new to be built.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

This is probably because of how I'm feeling now.

---

anyway, it ended okay. C wasn't that angry after all maybe W helped me to talk to her about it.

DNA

2007-04-09T05:37:00.001-07:00

Really cool. Please do it!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

sigh.

2007-04-09T04:46:00.000-07:00

Haiku² for yanneng
blog i am shit i'm breaking the damn record i feel unwanted
@

Created by Grahame

I can't believe this. It sort of says what ever I really feel. -shudders-

And anyway, I have a lot of work to do. Not council stuff yet since I'm not -in- council, just an elect, but yeah, as in, studies-wise. Sucks. I'm behind in Chem, Math and Bio. I'm okay in Lit 'cause like there's no chapters and shit. It's just erm like that lor. I have to -buck- up. For real.

It's so awkward. And of course it is. This is just the beginning. I hope it goes on better though.
---
[EDIT!]
CHEY.

They get words from your blog to make a Haiku. I'm going to paste some others I got from it. I'm italicize those that I like most. The one I still like most though is my top one.

takes time you tend to
get very attached when
you're with someone trust

have to explain why
i never felt so fucking
useless and lonely

youth choir and the rest
don't what's the part of
you that no one knows

well he might sue me
for a while to fall in
love slow and steady

i feel so lonely
here and i feel so weak and
depressed talking to

and letting slip some
crazy things the craziest thing
i never felt so

not very happy
with all of it i don't
want to talk too much

i'm breaking the damn
record i feel like punching
your lights out because o.o

bond soon though sigh they
most likely think i'm a klutz
so i'm just lying

and you realised
that you're still as bad as i
envisioned it

sorry for being
such an inspiration
to me survivor

too much sometimes i
think i shall keep quiet in
your heart it bites it

Yeah. More than enough. Sorry for cluttering up the place. <3

I got in.

2007-04-07T00:20:00.000-07:00

I got in.

I have a lot of work to do. ><

Over

2007-03-28T05:54:00.000-07:00

The speech is over. And it didn't go as bad as I envisioned it. It was boring and stupid but thank god Xuemeng took up extra time, so I didn't have time to finish and so I went into freakout mode and became a bit more hyper than how I was actually feeling. So it went well, people laughed at me, or hopefully with me, when I showed a little more of my truer side.

I would like to thank my freaking nice class who a lot of people just crashed to watch David and I do our speeches. I love you guys. You guys really really really helped by being there. I <3 you. I <3333333333333333 you guys so much really. I am so thankful I have all of you guys. I love you guys so damn much.

I love my OG so much. They all thought of that question! OMG, and I managed to properly say it was my birthday and I hoped everyone would give me a present. OMG I <3 you guys, you guys are ingenious. I really really love all of you so so much. But our OG's dying la. -sigh- But never mind.

SEET THOUGH SAYS I WAS DAMN GHEY FOR THE ENDING QUESTION D: Too bad la.

Okay, it is a short post, wish I could make it longer. But yeah. That's basically it. It didn't go as bad as I thought it would be.

Tired

2007-03-22T05:25:00.000-07:00

Tired.

Tired of reaching out and getting to know new people. Tired of being myself 'cause I'm such a tiring person to be. Tired of forcing myself to get to know people through awkward conversations. Tired of caring what others think. Tired of wanting to try campaigning with others but wanting also to not pull them down. Tired of thinking whether to be a councillor in the first place. Tired of wondering whether I can do it. Tired of wanting to try my best. Tired of deciding. Tired of making choices. Or making cards.

I know getting through the interviews must be a great thing to do. I'm happy about it. But recent happenings make me wonder if I can even cope to be a council. During the interview, I did admit I need to have time for myself. I need to breathe. I need to concentrate on my studies. With council, the commitment level is high. I'm afraid that I cannot cope with it. It seems really tiring. I live so far from school. And if school ends late, I'll go home even later. I won't have time to finish homework. Seeing how tired and stressed I secretly feel right now, I don't know. Frankly I don't.

About even campaigning, I decided to give it a shot 'cause I do want to campaign once in my life. However, I want to campaign a loser one. A really like, "Don't waste your vote on me" campaign 'cause it's fun that way. However, I do want to have fun too. People are telling me it's more fun to do it in groups. Zhiying, the nice person she is, asked me. I told her no, 'cause I don't want to drag her down. I'm not feeling very enthusiastic these days. I'm not going to promise anything during any speeches. I'm just going to say how I feel. Anyway, since I don't know what campaign groups actually are for (you're like doing solo stuff in a group. I guess the only thing is that you do shameless things together and maybe share costs of flyers? D:), I shall wait until tomorrow.

The meeting is damn late. I don't like. I want to pon (shows how much dedication I have to council huh) but being the guai boy I am, I don't dare. And -sigh- if I already feel sianz about it being late (at 7.30) how would I feel when it's going to reach like 9.30? Council is bound to be that late soon. I feel bad if I don't try either, 'cause I cheated a space which could have been for another person. Another person who might have cried. Another person who really really wanted to be a councilor. I feel bad.

My class is dying. All of us now realised how good it was. Too good to be true, to quote Patrick. He left, new people come. We lost our flavor. We lost ourselves. We lost our funness. Our class seems so dead now la. I don't know what to do or say. I'm too tired, too sad, to welcome the new people properly. Okay, if you're reading this, I might seem quite normal in treating you or I might seem less than friendly. Well, number one new people scare me. Number two if I think you don't want to know me, of course I don't want to force my way through. Number three I'm feeling less than good these few days 'cause I'm being emo and stressed and everything else stupid. So yeah, my poor class.

Saturday is Thaddeus's birthday. Happy birthday to him. I don't know what we're going to do tomorrow. I don't want to make another card. I don't want to. It's like the same idea again and again. The first time, for Auggy. It was quite new then. But later for Yilun, I'm beginning to yawn. I'm definitely -not- going to paste the magazine stuff for Thaddeus. Thaddeus, we love you, but I'm so sorry, I don't want to give you a recycled idea. I want you to have a nice new one.

One day, I'll have a nice long nap, a nice long rest and a nice long sleep. Maybe I won't be so tired then. But who knows? No one knows. This is all getting on my nerves. EVERYTHING. I hate it. I hate this. But I'm going to be happy no matter how tired I feel. -sigh- Why did all this happen all at once? Why could they just postpone the campaigning, or transfer students earlier?

Well, ranting is over. (: Goodnight.

Bored

2007-03-18T02:44:00.000-07:00

I know I'm supposed to finish the thing before hand but whatever. I'm too lazy. It was a -really long- day but our neoprints were fantastic!

Okay. I did some quizzes. I'm really freaking bored (even though I actually have homework to finish. Ugh.)

Your Seduction Style: The Dandy

You're a non-traditionalist, not limited by gender roles or expectations.

Your sexuality is more fluid than that - and you defy labels or categories.

It's hard to pin you down, and that's what's fascinating about you.

You have the psychology of both a male and a female, and you can relate to anyone.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

You Are Jean Grey

Although your fate is often unknown, you always seem to survive (even after death).

Your mind is your greatest weapon, literally!

Powers: telepathy and telekinesis, the ability to project thoughts into the mind of others, communication with animals

Which of the X-Men Are You?

Your Body Image is 68% Unhealthy, 32% Healthy

Your negative body image is borderline serious. It could turn into an eating disorder or psychological problem.

Perhaps you're just having a bad day. But maybe you need to think about getting help for your problem.

How's Your Body Image?

omg that is so not true. I haven't been starving myself.

Your Birthdate: April 2

You may watch someone from afar before you finally decide to make your move.

It takes a long time for you to develop an attraction to someone.

Generally, you prefer to pick who you love. Anyone who tries to rush you is in for some heartache.

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 3

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 4

You are most compatible with people born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th, and 29th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

This feels so true.

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.

Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.

You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.

You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

RAWR.

You Should Weigh 210

If you weigh less than this, you either have a fast metabolism or are about to gain weight.

If you weigh more than this, you may be losing a few pounds soon!

How Much Do You Weigh?

210 pounds is erm 95 kg.

OMG. I'm lighter than that though... So I'm just going to gain weight. ARGH.

You Are 56% Borderline

You have some symptoms of borderline personality disorder.

If you feel like you're more than a little dramatic, you may want to investigate further.

Do You Have a Borderline Personality?

What's a borderline personality? o.o

You Are 65% Normal

Otherwise known as the normal amount of normal

You're like most people most of the time

But you've got those quirks that make you endearing

You're unique, yes... but not frighteningly so!

How Normal Are You?

YAY!

Your True Love's Name Is

Melissa S.

What's Your True Love's Name?

OMG. HAHAHAHAHA.

Your Japanese Name Is...

Takumi Saito

What's your Japanese Name?

Your Weight is Ideal

Your BMI is 23.6 - a healthy BMI falls between 18.5 and 25

Congratulations, you are the perfect weight for your height.

Even though you may not be entirely happy with your weight, you are healthy.

So gain or lose a few pounds if you want, but don't go too crazy!

Don't agree? Blame the government standards we based this test on!

Do You Need to Lose Weight?

LAIZ.

You Are 60% Shy

Although you live a pretty normal life, you tend to be a fairly shy person.

Many situations make you feel uncomfortable, and you sometimes find your shyness hindering your life.

How Shy Are You?

I. Knew. It.

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"So, you're a cannibal."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

HAHAHA.

Your Stripper Song Is

I'm a Slave 4 U by Britney Spears

"I'm a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it.

I'm a slave for you. I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it."

You may seem shy, but you can let your wild side out when you want to!

What Song Should You Strip To?

Oooh.

You Are a Drama Princess (or Prince)

You're not over the top dramatic, but you have your moments.

You know how to steal the spotlight...

And how to act out to get your way.

People around you know that you're good for a laugh.

But at times, your drama gets a bit too much for everyone.

Tone it down a tad, and you'll still be the center of attention.

Are You a Drama Queen (or King)?

Okay. Yeah I'm toning down. It's tiring.

You Have Your Sarcastic Moments

While you're not sarcastic at all times, you definitely have a cynical edge.

In your opinion, not all people are annoying. Some are dead!

And although you do have your genuine moments, you can't help getting your zingers in.

Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm, but it's more likely they think you're hilarious.

How Sarcastic Are You?

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Ehhh no one leh. is your soulmate.

You truly love Adeline.

You consider Zhenkai your true friend.

You know that DEXTER is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Dian Feng for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Sixuan is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Jayne is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that No One? is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that No One? changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Joan Tan is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Joan Tan has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?

HAHA THIS IS ALL WRONG. Except for Sixuan la.

You Are 20% Happy

You know that there's more to life than how you've been living it.

Life can be rough at times, but most of your unhappiness is self-inflicted.

How Happy Are You?

Awww.

You Are 60% Slacker

You are a bit of a slacker - though you can pull it together and live a somewhat normal life.

If you're young, this is probably phase you'll outgrow. And if you're already grown up, you need to get off the couch a bit more!

Are You a Slacker?

The last selection crapped me up. I was supposed to be doing my homework and writing a story!

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You tend to take more than give in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy.

They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder.

It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment.

They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

Oh really?

You Are 38% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.

In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are lively, dramatic, and flamboyant.

You have an outrageous personality...

And you secretly resent anyone who makes you tone it down.

Underneath it all, you are driven by your need for attention and acceptance.

You need to feel special at all times.

You are secretly jealous and occasionally insecure.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

Awwww.

Your Mind is PG-13 Rated

Your mind is definitely a little dirty. You're naughty, but not trashy.

You don't shy away from a dirty joke, and you're clearly not a prude.

Do You Have a Dirty Mind?

You Are 25% Sexy

Your Sex Appeal Is: Average

You're about as sexy as the average person on the street.

There's no secret to gaining more sex appeal - you just need to be a bit bolder!

How Much Sex Appeal Do You Have?

Oh at least I'm normal (:

You Are 64% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded.

Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints.

But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line.

You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

You Are 16 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Wow! It guessed right!

Your Lust Quotient: 55%

You are definitely a lustful person, but you do a good job of hiding it.

Your friends would be surprised to know that your secretly very wild!

How Much Lust Do You Have?

Hehehe.

Yeah. I know. I just wasted more than an hour of my time.

'innovating' at ecp

2007-03-13T07:29:00.000-07:00

today i went to ecp. wow so fun. heheh.

anyway, first i took shulin's mother's car there with seet and of course shulin, and the mother told shulin secretly that i was freaking noisy in the car and she will never ever want to drive me anywhere ever again. I sincerely apologise. I promise, I shall keep quiet in your mom's car.

We then reached ECP la. Then we realised that jolene was at McD's! So we called her to walk over. Then we played frisbee for a while then we realised -again- that she haven't arrived! Meanwhile, Shulin sees this guy wearing a red tee riding a bike. She was like, "That's Thaddeus!" But I see like not him, but not sure 'cause the mannerisms quite the same but the body different la. So I was like "Hmmm, maybe lor."

THEN SEET CALLED JOLENE or whatever, maybe she called seet. Shulin had a fantastic idea and was like, "Ask her rent a bike la, reach even faster!" And she really rented a bike. o.o So while she was cycling there, THADDEUS came. IN A RED SHIRT. SO I WAS LIKE OMG YOU'RE RIGHT. And she was like "OMG I'M SO CLEVER."

Then I mentioned it.

And he said, "Er that wasn't me. That was my friend."

._.

Okay. His friend is super cool, good-looking everything la; that's why Jolene likes him. HEHEH. I THINK. Okay, maybe not la. But WHATEVER. The main point is he and Thad are like totally the same lor. No difference. EVEN their glasses were the same.

Okay, Jolene ARRIVES. And she goes for her wakeboarding. And she brought almost NOTHING to do it. No swimsuit, no nothing. She just waltzes in expecting to do everything in a breeze la. Okay, I have to applaud her for that though; she is brave enough. I tell you, if I were in her place, I will be kiasu and bring EVERYTHING. So anyway, it was freaking cool la watching them do the wakeboarding thing. Thaddeus is pro his friend is even proer I think unless Thaddeus was trying something new lor. Anyway, back to the noobs.

Seet was a natural. She finished like a line the first time. Although she screamed freaking loud. Heard Dexter (our new friend which we will never ever see again) tell Thad, "Eh, I heard your friend screaming from there." HAHA SEET ROXXORS. I never heard her scream so loud in my life. Jolene fell first time but later she did really well so let's all be proud of her! (: you know, we're always mean to each other but you know, that's how I was with another of my old friend: Joan Tan. Although me and Joan Tan were like, I don't know, less humorous, more serious kind, me and jolene are serious but I don't know, she ends up being really funny.

Okay, you know I blogged halfway but it's freaking late. I want to sleep le. I shall edit this post tomorrow and fill in all the details.

My Rant

2007-02-16T01:22:00.000-08:00

I feel better now but since I wrote this yesterday I think I shall just put it down.

Be careful. You mightn't the patience to read the whole thing. It's all ranty. And erm, a little messy 'cause I was typing all of it into my handphone and so they are a stream of conciousness thing.

---

I never felt so fucking useless and lonely in my entire life. I don't speak to anyone. No one speaks to me. Sigh. whatever I try to do I just don't do it very well. I never smiled so many mianqiang smiles before; I never tried to hold in so many real frowns before. I am a totally different person there and it sucks. When people are trying to be nice and try to include me into their convos (which is rare), the conversation becomes so strained and tight, like I'm disrupting them and everything and that's why I keep my damn mouth shut. Then that way, they feel better and I... I just feel whatever. I'm not stressed by this but I can't wait for the fucking thing to end and you know, I'm writing my words down here 'cause I feel so weak and depressed talking to myself. And in a sense I am. Anna was so nice. She just talked to me for a bit and I feel so much better; like someone is willing to talk to me. Shulin was nice as well.

Shit. I believe I'm going to continue like this for the rest of my 'extra activities' whatever tehy are: being freaky and antisocial. I hope I get used to it. I heard it's quite useful in future haha. Keeping my mouth shut is so damn hard. My heart is cringing. I want to be myself there but I don't feel comfortable enough. Well whatever. Maybe I can zihigh by myself in the corner. Oh fucking shit I left my umbrella in the LT. Argh. I can't do anything right.

I just called my father and he said I'm always like this. Yeah fine, it's true. He's not trying to be mean. It's a fact. I'm like this. I'm a klutz. So I'm trying to do more to learn how to be useful. Like Napfa, pe whatever, I'm never going to succeed. I want to cry but I don't dare.I guess I don't 'cause I'm on the bus and people might think I'm crazy. Oh and people laughed at me today 'cause I ran. And if I meant it, or if they told me, then fine. But I didn't and they didn't and they were especially mean about it.

You know sometimes you want to do something so bad to prove to yourself that you aren't a failure but in the end you still fail like a shit and you realised that you're still as bad as ever? This is why I never put in a hundred percent into most things I do. 'cause when you fail, and you will, and when you already put in your fucking best into it, you'll feel like a fucking loser. Since you never succeed why try and fail again and again and make yourself feel shitty? I don't know why but it's better for me to not try so hard and fail so I can comfort myself that I might have done it well if I had. Maybe I might have succeeded. I don't know. I haven't cried for two years. And shit. I'm breaking the damn record. I feel like crying. I am. Shit. I'm fucking weak. I feel unwanted. My name shouldn't be on the damn list. I came for all the meetings more than the others do but I end up knowing less than anyone else and giving less. Pathetic. I am really pathetic. That's me. I wish one day I won't be a loser and for it to happen I know I have to push myself. I hate mrs 'cause she kept giving me condescending looks.

And I don't want to be invisible. I don't want to be invisible. I don't want to be nothing. I'm trying to stop crying but haha I don't know why it feel so good. I feel so lonely here and I feel so fucked up. I want to hug someone, something. I want someone to comfort me. I guess nothing can be done now.

It's sour and bitter. It's in your heart. It bites. It scars. Life cannot be a bed of roses; this I know. Sigh. I don't know anything but the atmosphere during meetings is so tensed up and everyone has a part of play but me. Haha it's okay. It's no one's fault but mine 'cause I choose to see what I want to see. You know, if I didn't care so much I wouldn't be in the situation right now. I want to do something I'm good at and of course no one's perfect in the beginning. Anyway, I should just learn to let go and heck care! And not care what others see me as, what others think of me.

When I do my best nothing good comes out of it. I feel like a yuebangyuemang. So like what shulin said. I got to make the best out of the situation. I'm so sorry to everone involved (it's not like you'd read this but whatever) but since I've nothing to do I might as well spend my own on something more substantial and not waste it. It's not dedication; it's sensibility. I'm going to think up new superheroes. I'm going to do my homework. I'm going to study in the glow of my handphone's light. Haha, you know, I'm afraid that if I do this and they need my help I might not be able to give it out. But never mind. I realise it's pathetic. It's better doing my own things and hecking than hovering about uselessly and hoping -desperately- that I'd have something to do and some one would ask me for help. How pathetic. That's how fucking pathetic I was. It's so despo, so disgusting and really really -pathetic-. I hate myself. And when someone asks me to do something you should see my pathetic face light up in joy. Disgusting. My heart crumples when I think about it.

And don't give me something to do just because you know I feel this way. If you do, I'll just feel more pathetic. Like you have to create something USELESS and UNNEEDED for me to do. This is why I hope no one in the production read this. And oh I burnt my freaking forearm on the spotlight. haha. I met nice people today but whatever. The uncle who taught me how to use the spotlight was nice.

And I hate Kaypo Mrs B with her fucking fake accent.

My Results

2007-02-09T06:29:00.000-08:00

I can stay in RJ yay.

I got six. YAY. HAPPY.

Okay la. Not -very- happy but happy la. OMG SSHIST I AM SO FREAKING SURPRISED. History I didn't study at all for the topics that actually came out. All the SEQ was like "OMFG WHAT'S THIS!?" I only knew how LON and UN were quite similar and so I answered that SEQ question using UN instead. Just change organization names. So I'm happy, but it is all about luck.

Chinese I got B3. So happy.

The rest quite expected. haha. I mean, if what my seniors said was true.

-PLEASE DON'T READ PEOPLE 'CAUSE YOU MIGHT HATE ME FOR THIS. IT'S NOT THAT I'M NOT SENSITIVE BUT I HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHY I WAS LIKE OKAY ABOUT THE RESULTS THING SO YEAH IF YOU'RE NOT HAPPY ABOUT YOUR RESULTS AND EVERYTHING AND LIKE WALAO SIX PEOPLE WHY NOT HAPPY THEN DON'T READ 'CAUSE I'M HAPPY AND SO START RANT!-

Not happy about Amath 'cause I got a2 when I expected a1.

Not happy about Chem 'cause I got a2 I expected a1

-end-

Haha I decided not to be too ranty. I'm a little worried for some of my friends 'cause they were like uber sad when they got their results. -sighpatpat-

I miss choir.

I love my class.

I love my OG.

And yes, that's all I want to say today. Too lazy to post more.

RVC - No More

2007-01-21T04:50:00.000-08:00

First, I'll like to talk more about the more mundane things in my life. I love my new class; they are all pretty nice people, unlike my old one :D So I feel better about it, feeling happier about it, but I haven't really bonded with them, but I know one day I'll show them the secret crazy side that I have. It's not that I don't want to; it's just... you know, locked within haha. And erm, I got into RP. I guess I'll concentrate more on the set part of the CCA, probably cause the people there are like pro actors o.o And I don't really mind. I thought I wouldn't be able to get in, but since I did, I might as well do the best I can and take any job I can do. And I might get out from RJ in a few weeks, so yeah, heh, bonding everything, it was for nothing i guess.

Okay, but what I really want to talk about is one of the other worries I have, not counting my whole RJC life 'cause it can be just called one big worry by itself (a really really big one that I can't complete in one entry), but here it is, a smaller worry, but a major one nonetheless: RVC. God, I miss the choir but I don't think it's the same choir any longer. I went back only once and the energy felt... I don't know, a little dead. And from what I hear, the seniors are finally taking our suggestion: being a little more strict, and a little more obvious. I mean, if someone isn't singing well, or behaving how they should, we should just tell them and not nicely, since they are doing something wrong.

Erm and so it sort of backfired. 'cause instead of trying their best and improving since they know their mistakes, some of them (I won't say all of them 'cause I don't know the real situation) complained about it. I don't like these people because it's really just an excuse, a damn fake one at that. 'cause it doesn't make sense. We love our seniors, and yes, they are our seniors. Our friends, but keep in mind: they were seniors. We want them to praise us, to tell us whether we're doing good or not. And know this: we didn't rely on them all the time. They did help us, but not teaching us stuff technically but telling us how to do things. They taught us to want for the better of RVC. And that was something I think that wasn't passed down.

I don't want to say it's the seniors fault 'cause majorly, it isn't theirs. They still have the want that I have. The want for the better of RVC. Some of the juniors say they love choir, blahblahblah, but they have to realise they can't just treat it like a party. Having self-discipline, knowing what to do without people even telling you, I guess most of you guys don't know the feeling. It is great. It is jubilant. It's a wonderful feeling. And erm, I don't think you guys are doing that anyway. You don't want the best for the choir, you obviously want the best for yourselves. And being selfish isn't a good thing.

One day, I wish you guys know how to respect yourself because you obviously don't know what self-respect is. You wanna be shit, continue then. We can't help you any longer. It's the main reason why I 'gave up' on RVC last year. I didn't really give up, because obviously, I wanted the best for RVC; but of course, even if I gave it my best, and the rest don't, what's the point? I do see people trying their best, but if your best isn't enough, you have to do more than your best. You're young, you're still new: and all these are excuses not to excel. Mere excuses. 'cause you know, being young is an advantage.

When I was a Sec 1, I sucked. I really sucked. And my seniors sorta let me know that. But you know, I'm not those kind of whiny bastards saying stuff like: "OH POOR ME. I SUCK. I KNOW I SUCK. I'm sorry for my poor performance." You can feel sad, but if you feel that way SINCERELY, you can fix your own problems. Like how I did. I heard the notes, I tried to hear them and sing them out (I was kinda tonedeaf) I tried. And I succeeded. I didn't complain much; but I did show a little of the self-depriciating behavior. BUT WHATEVER. When people come tell me "I'm sorry Yanneng, I didn't sing well enough. I didn't put in my effort. It could have been better. I tried my best but it wasn't enough. I sucked badly. I'm so freaking sad," I feel like punching your lights out because we anticipated that. Every time it isn't good enough, every time we fail, we know we're going to do it. And erm, we try not to.

So just wake up and shut your whiny ass about stuff like this. Don't say; just do. All talk no action. Don't tell me "I'm trying my best." "I'm going home to revise scores." "I am going to improve." "I have improved." SHOW ME. SING BETTER. -sigh- You say we don't teach you technique; you can solve that yourself by clarifying your questions on it. Check the internet. I do vocal exercises by myself and I know all of you can too. Don't complain "Oh my seniors treat me badly." Think: why are they doing this? If you can't answer that question, ask them. And if their answers are like "'cause you're ugly," then be happy 'cause it's something that you can't change. If it's your attitude, it's something that can be changed.

I believe wholeheartedly in most seniors. They just want the best. I want the best too. But you know, I feel like giving up. And I bet they too. You can't blame us; you already given up on yourselves. So yeah, that's about the end of my ranty rant. Good luck you bitches <3 I love RVC. Or at least, the ex-RVC. I won't know until I visit again.

RJ ORIENTATION

2007-01-11T01:47:00.000-08:00

ANYWAYS IT'S OVER.

I got into two unenthu groups: My OG and My Class. OKAY. NOT THAT WE'RE UNENTHU, BUT IT'S LIKE THAT AT THE BEGINNING.

And of course, naturally, I wanted to appear normal and everything in front of everyone but yeah, in the end, after being with them for a while, and letting slip some crazy things. The craziest thing I did the first day was asking Shulin, "CAN YOU BE MY BEST FRIEND?" I think she was shocked the hell out of her life. HEH.

Anyway, my OGLs ARE ALL FREAKING NICE. HEH.

AND WHATEVER. I became best friends and good friends with most of my OGs. ALL MY BFs AND GFs! BUT MY CLASS IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT THING LA. I hope we can bond soon though. -sigh- THEY MOST LIKELY THINK I'M A WEIRDO NOW SO HAHA.

I'm either going to act normal or be weird like I usually am! HEH.

Well, no time already. I gotta go. SEE YOU GUYS!

PRAGUE

2006-12-13T22:28:00.000-08:00

PRA-GUE. Pronounce it like AR-GUE. PRA-GUE.

Sounds weird right? Now, pronounce it as PRAGUE, like VOGUE.

Yes, that's better right? HAHA. It's more correct now! :D

Well, I thought I was in for a boring time, since I never talked to my dearest juniors for years, and I don't really know the new ones and you know me, I worry for all the wrong reasons and of course, I didn't think we were ready AT ALL. And yeah, we don't know so many songs. I haven't been in choir for YEARS. sfasdgasfhg But it all still turned out well 'cause we got silver, when I was expected us to get nothing or a bronze at most. lala, so it's goooood.

On the first day, stuff happened. I don't really remember what. It was mostly shopping about Old Town's Square. We were so afraid of getting pickpocketed I remember. We squeezed with each other most of the time, and people were shouting "STICK TOGETHER GUYS. WE MUST BE CAREFUL." Lol. If I'm a pickpocket, I'll steal from these people (AKA US). Anyway, we went for lunch at 430 PM and it was damn salty. AND WE ALL ORDERED FANTAS! SUPER COOL RIGHT?

Anyway I thought I could have lost weight there due to the cold(homeostasis -->hair erector muscles, shivering, higher metabolic rate, less sweating -DARN YOU O LEVELS-)but the damn food were all this:

CHEESE.
BREAD.
MEAT.
SALT.
MORE CHEESE.
AND BREAD.
AND SALT.
AND MORE SALT.
AND MORE MORE SALT.

Then they make you PAY for the drinks. Whatever.

-backtrack-

FANTAS! I bought this stupid sand thing that -can- be bought in S'pore, says Yifan. AWWW, stupid me. :\ Anyway, we put our bags in the hotel earlier that day and boy, do I love my roommates. KELVIN TJAKRA (or how do you spell that, whatever.) and WENZHONG. HAHA. These people are funneh, kinda nice! AND I THINK THEY CHANGED WHEN THEY ~~SLEPT~~ STAYED WITH ME. o.o In some strange way. But yeah, they've become nicer people.

On the plane I met dear Yencheng oso! HAHA. He's CHANGED. For me at least la. He very nice to me at the end of the trip. At the starting not really la. ^_^ HAHAHA, THEY BECOME MY FAV. SEC ONE JUNIORS! :DDD AND WHATEVER. Let's move on to the second day! Eh wait, I remember, the subway damn jerky in there. Singapore <3

I don't remember what I wrote here but I think it was about how -OHH! I remember!

HAHA. WENZHONG IS CUTE, NICE, FRIENDLY AND WHATEVER BUT HE MADE ME FREAKING ANGRY LAWLZ. He didn't know his scores that well SO GUESS WHAT!? He asked me to put the alarm at 5am once then other 6am. When we were like sleeping at 12 or 1! OMG. But I did it 'cause I'm such a freaky nice person (at least I did it on the first day).

Guess what?

YES YOU'VE GUESSED IT! I woke up! I tried to wake him up! And he woke up after like half an hour! And guess what?

I COULDN'T GO BACK TO SLEEP >< OMG. That's why I beh not enough sleep. :\ lala.

OMG I LOST A WHOLE CHUNK OF CRAP HERE SO PLEASE JUST PRETEND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE READING. I'M IN THE MIDST OF RECOVERING EVERYTHING YAH?

2nd day: at all. then at night we made the worst performance of all and just trashed the whole crap but it didn't matter to me 'cause I always thought we would trash everything. So. BLAH. I don't know why but it seems so boring to me now. o.o

Oh and there were two people who couldn't sing for the concert that night. But it didn't help much. There were still others who never tried hard enough. And dear Wenzhong was brave enough to say out the truth. Which isn't the truth in my opinion but if that is what he believes then its fine. Haha! I sound so EVIL. WHATEVER. Okay. Weiting, I don't think she knows how to sing at all. Sorry. :\ She can learn la. But it's just that that moment she didn't know how. And she shouldn't cry la. No point liaoz.

We performed in a castle thing. Then when we wanted to go into the toilet, the cleaning woman tell us, "Holiea dafoipsa longeatikorr." Then we were like "Ubi caritas." She: "Koeas Saasae." "Toilet?" "Koeas." "Toilet? Can we go?" "Saasae, holiea dafoipsaar tikorr." It happened a few more times and we redirected to another one because she locked the door.

Hmmm, after that we reflected and OMG MR ONG HIT GJ (with his words la). About how his attitude was horrible. SORRY GJ, but yeah, I have to say this: it is true! You're not a perfect person! Sorry! Anyway, after the whole thing (which I don't really want to talk about because I used to be one of the more secluded, more quiet nice seniors who sit in the corner not saying anything. however this time I said a lot of things that I really thought about for a long time. even though I look brainless, I do have one and uses it too much sometimes I think), GJ told me "Thanks for bashing me." I don't know if that's good or bad but I know he wouldn't change. GJ = GJ. Like helium, neon and the other Group 0 elements, he cannot be affected by outerworldly changes (OMG O LEVELS YOU SUCK)

Tadah! Then we slept.

THIRD DAY: Performance in the morning in some church.

The other choirs that I heard were okay (those before us at least) the after one was quite okay. Then Ms Tham gave me a sweet, beh nice one. We sat down and an old woman tapped my shoulder. Scared me to hell. Then I was like "WTF o.o; " And she was like "Wherre arrre yoooooh frum?" So I was like -puts on accent- "Oh we come from Singapore." Not SinGApore. SINGapore. And she was like, "Ooooh. LOOOOOOOOOONG Way." I nodded and said, "Yes. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG Way." And as we left, I nodded to her again and she waved. Nice old lady.

My mind's rusty. I don't know where I went after that. Lemme ask Adeline and Zhenkai.

Okay. We rushed back to the hotel and there was no time for lunch. I had to quickly have a shower (poor other guys, they didn't have a shower) and left for carolling. After our carolling some of the Africans made a statement about our sopranos. I don't know if it's rude mean sarcastic or whatever, but it goes like this: "You have such great sopranos. OOOOOooooOOOh!" Okay, this is because in O Holy Night (a song I didn't want to sing) they have to do this 'ooo' thing. Well, if they were sarcastic, I would just say "Well, I hope you can reach our standard someday." I can be such a mean person at times. But anyway, I think they meant it in a good way. They're kinda nice I realise after everything. But anyway, they weren't talking to me so... yeah.

We ate SAUSAGES. WE HAD TO PAY FOR THE DRINKS! OH GAWDZ.

OMG. This is getting so long. 4th day. Competition day.

LALA. We sang. We sang much better than other days due to the fact (at least for me) I have given up. We aren't going to make a miraculous recovery. We aren't going to do very well. We aren't going to sing that well. We aren't going to kick off those who can't sing from the choir. We're just going to do what we can. :\ and blah. we did whatever we could.

We got lost after that. Read Yujun's blog for details la. We thought KFC was one way, but it was the other one. And it was directly opposite Mac, which was our last resort. RAWR. AND KFC TOILET HAVE TO PAY. OH GAWDZ. GAH. Anyway (again), we went back and got our results. It was like this:

"Children's Choir."

That was our category and we were waiting.

"Golden Zone. Leadoewiki Coowhyer!"

Oh, we won nothing. I was like, "Oh okay. Expected."

"Youth Choir."

And the African people got Silver! Was so happy for them ^_^ YAY! Then, TADAH. WE got a silver too! In the Youth Choir category! LAWLZ.

Okay whatever. That's done. We had a farewell party where I took many fat photos and some one got drunk and everything happened so, I don't want to talk too much about this 'cause I'm lazy but I will talk more about it later and stuff. Gah. And I was so scared.

5th day (you can tell I'm sick and tired of doing this.)

Hm. We just slacked off. Mozart Tour, Old Town, Marionette. I'll elaborate when I got my jingshen back.

And then home.

WHY AM I NOT PUTTING ANY PHOTOS IN!? 'cause I look like a freaking fatso in almost everyone one of them ;~; So God save me. And there's the fact that I am too lazy.

Friends that I gained: Wenzhong, Yencheng
Enemies I met: -XN-
People I vow to protect from -XN-: Zhenkai
Old Friends: all of them sexy people.
Nice African People: Zamma, Denise, -Adel's Special Guy-, Afro man, Jiamin-hugging-man, and yeah some of the others.

Hm. I'll put in some more crap once I wake up and stuff. I don't know how to end this so, you know, when you write stories you write it in a full circle?

PRONOUNCE PRA-GUE AS IN AR-GUE.

AND THAT SOUNDS REALLY COOL ^_^

Insensitivity

2006-09-26T01:20:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry to everyone 'cause I haven't been myself these days, being an insensitive jerk who doesn't care about the people around him. Or at least, that's how I appear to be la. I promise, with all my heart, that this isn't what I wanted to be; who wants to be a scumbag? But now I see why and I see how bad I am. That's why my mind keeps calling myself scumbag, jerk and other stuffs, 'cause I am guilty. If I could take back my words, I will. If I could make everyone forget, I will. But I can't, so I've to say sorry.

I can't tell people sorry because they mightn't feel this way, but on the whole, I guess everyone does. And I know not everyone will read this post so yeah, at least it's contained. You know, I've been 'haolian' about my marks recently? I didn't mean to, and I didn't think people would take it that way. To me, I was just stating my facts and then, I realise that it might not be facts to others; and they mightn't believe me for what I say. And maybe, I'm just lying to myself too. Another fact that I don't like to say and if you don't want to read it, don't kayy? I don't want to offend people with my own comments on my blog.
I am not very happy with all of my results. You might think doing 'well' for your results, you'd be happy. but you have to realise that no matter how well you do, you will realise that it's not enough. Of course, some which I never expected doing well, I did do well and I exclaim with joy and stuff....cont'd
I know it's wrong to be happy when others are unhappy. But that's the thing; if I'm happy, I exclaim it out and all. Maybe I should learn to keep it in; but my stubborn mind is telling me why act unhappy when others are? They might just come to you and say something like: You so good still act unhappy! And if I'm happy, people will be on the whole pissed off. I'm not a people person so I don't know how to act sometimes and I admit, I haven't been my usual self. I guess it's the exams and all: prelims is kinda like a drug, something that forces you to become a tired robot. Really. I don't like myself either, but yeah, I'm trying to change and live with it.

I feel like slapping myself fifty times. I'm really sorry. Now the trouble is to apologise without apologising blatantly.

End of the ramble. Going to become my usual HOORAY, LIFE RAWKS stuff.
---

Aiyah! Today I got back English Paper 1 and you guess what sexy mark I got? What Look gave me? 17/30 and it's not what I usually get for English. Sad is sad, but so what? I can't do anything but confront look now lor. But it's not I scared, it's just that I know I've to learn to deal with it. So yeah. Smile and be happy over it. Yeah. That's for me. Look at the paper and smile; blame myself not Look. I'm going to try learn from my mistake so tonight I'm going to write a composition again, titled Peace, according to Mrs Look's definition of a theme: blatantly write the word out for more than half the story.

I got D for PE. Haha, I failed PE and actually I don't care because I know I can't do well at it; what's the point? I can go for retest if I want I think but I don't want to go through the same torture again. Some people are good at things; it's their talent. PE is DEFINITELY not mine. I can't exercise and I'm fat as fat can be; fattest in class too. :\ Well. I can go exercise at the end of the year or something. haha.

Dental today damn pain. 'cause my teeth DIRTY. I must brush my teeth properly le. I cannot so lazy don't brush at all and stuff (not like I ever do, I brush twice a day) but still my brushing technique isn't good haha. So yeah.

SShist sure got moderation. That's all I'll say. ^_^

Hmmm, and what other things happened? Nothing much lar.

---

And once again, I'm sorry for being such a scumbag. I'll be more quiet and subdued. Promise.

XMEN

2006-05-31T05:24:00.000-07:00

IT IS THE BEST SHOW I EVER WATCHED.

Out of 100, I give an A1 and a high A1 at that! 87/100!

*SPOILER WARNING*
The storyline is great, the actors and actresses are great! I love Mystique; she's my favourite character. But how she was treated by Magneto was so uncalled for :\ It really turned me off. I thought he could've treated her better. Anyway, she might even turn to the good side now that he 'betrayed' her, and become X-Men, since Magneto seemed to get his power back after he lost it.

All the characters do have personality but that's the problem. The movie could not explore each and everyone's, and that was why it seemed too little details. I thought it should be longer. Also, since I read somewhere this was going to be the last of the trilogy of X-Men movies (though I might be wrong), they tried to stuff as much characters into the last movie as possible, Spyke, Psylocke and the rest.

Well, I have much more to say but I'm too lazy to type some more so...

It just rocks. I tell you.

PE

2006-05-23T01:19:00.000-07:00

Okay. Many people don't get why I hate PE so much. (If you do, or hate PE as much as I do, I support you all the way. PE sucks and we know it the best!) This post is to actually explain the fear of PE. Or in general, actually just plain sports.

I don't like how I move. Don't ask me why, but I know I'm not the most graceful of animals. I don't like how I walk, how I eat, how I jump... Yadayada. I don't like MOVING 'cause I don't like seeing my own movements. I know this might sound stupid but I don't seeing myself move. So. I have this stigma of myself leaping and all my fats start to jiggle and wobble at the same time, creating this jelly effect that is totally unforgettable. I mean, have you ever saw someone as fat as me run!? >< It's DISGUSTING. I don't like to be disgusting (Fine. Maybe I do. Sometimes), so obviously, sports just make me look disgusting.

I also don't like my PE instructors' attitude. No comments, in case of any defamation, though I believe many people already defamed me and this doesn't really matter but I am still afraid of the same thing in the newspapers happening to me. Phew. That was like almost the longest sentence I ever wrote in my whole sixteen year old life. Bah. PE sucks. The shorts suck a lot too. They are revealing my thighs which I don't want to describe because this is only an NC16 blog and with more descriptive words, people would probably puke at the imagined thighs, like when they watched Saw 1 and 2. :\ They are that scary. -nods-

You know, I'm like dead serious when I type in this blog and it has been so long before I've been serious BUT I wish things could be more interesting for me again. I mean, my life is literally boring. I don't feel like studying, I don't feel like watching TV or playing the computer. Everything has become boring. Maybe typing in here isn't, but... EVEN MSN IS BORING >< NO ONE TALKS TO MEH. :\ -yawns- Even logging in takes a long time.

Anyway, I'm going to try DSA with a crappy L1R5. I promised my mother I'll get 6 for O Levels and I cannot fail her. I will get 6 and go to Hwa Chong or RJ. That is my wish... Though my HC seniors DID look at me with despising eyes when I told them my ambition. WHATEVER. D< I will show them that I can get in and be BETTER than them. GRR.

Well, I'm not really motivated but I hope I WILL BE. And I better be. The prelims are coming very very very soon... And I can't wait for them to come.

So I don't need to go for PE.

Physics Test Today. :D

2006-05-17T05:29:00.000-07:00

ARAS WON! :D

Anyway, that topic's already over. I'm just telling all of you out there, that I joined his fanclub, just because I think he's really really cool. Though I found this website that said he had a Gayface. O.o

Today, we had a Physics Test, BUT before that, we had this stupid stupid talk from someone who I don't really respect. Well, he might sue me for defamation, but he can't 'cause I never wrote his name. If he thinks he's the one, he's guilty then. :
He talked a lot of crap and jumped from topic to topic, straying. And he loves to use his powerful language to try confuse all of us. HELLO!? We don't really get what you're saying? >< Well, he fluffs a lot with his four letter words (in Chinese, BTW) and pretends to be knowledgable, even though he did contradict himself many times. Well, and he wasted twenty minutes of our time, talking slowly and generalizing all the students. He said we didn't know how to argue and we didn't always have explanation. Who's the one who doesn't have an explanation? How could you say that without evidence? You say that our compositions had none of these, but is this really true? Out of the four hundred of us, none have any?

If you use your common sense, one out of four hundred would definitely have one. It is not as if we are stupid or anything. It is just an assumption you made without any explanation. I can explain how YOU generalize everything. You started off saying that we were too obedient, unless I heard wrongly and I hoped I did, but that is totally out of the point, because after that you punished people for eating.

Secondly, you forced us to clap our hands for these 'speakers' then scolded us after we clapped our hands for them the second time, saying that they do not deserve it. I don't understand. Where's the logic man? Wake up from your dream, Mr Deedee. :\ I personally don't think you deserve your post.

Well, enough rambling. I don't want to talk about him. It just ruins my appetite. Well, the Physics Test was difficult. Really difficult. Even the Midyears were easier.

And we bought some stuff for dearest Anna. Yoohoo! :D I hope she likes it. I told my mom what we bought and she said we were very evil people and she would be very sad if she recieved those presents. :\ She just doesn't understand us. I hope Anna does. :D

Well, that is all for today. Of course I can give more details but I don't feel like giving much. DAHDAHDAH. I don't really miss choir. ^_^ But I hope Choir misses me. :P

And Thanks Ben and Yita for lending me money. You roxxors.

Hello everyone

2006-05-16T02:25:00.000-07:00

I'm finally at Blogger.

After seeing many people making new blogs here, I'm inspired to make one too. However, I have to customize this thing soon ><; I can't stand it lol. I won't blog here, really. It's just here so I can try out make pictures as backgrounds. I'll probably be more live at my other blog. Anyway, I really really won't be active. So there's no point reading things like these.

...

ARAS WON SURVIVOR! YOOHOO! HE ROXXORS. :D

I love Cirie and him. ^_^ Both of them are really cool people ^_^ Even though Aras was a little cruel at the beginning to Cirie...

Speaking of Cirie, I LOVE HER TOO. She's such a darling. -hugs all three of them- If I see any of them here in S'pore (which will never happen) I would give them the biggest hug I can muster and yeah, congratulate them and thank them for being such an inspiration to me.

Survivor Panama: Exile Island Season 12 is not the best season I ever watched and the people were boring. BUT I am really really happy that I watched most of it. I loved Cirie and Aras. Both of them had a close bond and yep, I really really love their personalities. Even though Aras did tell Cirie she would be off, I still love both of them. Cirie is the cleverest woman I ever met and Aras is simply nice. :D Cirie and Aras=Inspiration. I might just join Yoga because Aras did, to lose weight like Cirie did. Yoohoo!

:\ Huiyi and Jayne poked my tummy today. Said it felt like a GIANT blob of jelly. :(